Ask anything.

4:21PM - BDSM and Infidility

Someone asked “How do you feel about cheating and bdsm?”

I have strong feelings against infidelity. For me “infidelity” comes in various different forms. Infidelity not only comes in the form of sexual acts but other intimate and emotional acts.

Emotional infidelity exists though the lines are not always as clear as “You either had sex with someone or you didn’t.” There are those who have long distance and online relationships whose feelings are just as real for someone they have never met as anyone they know real life. They form a bond thus have relationships of sort. It in my mind becomes emotional infidelity when one begins to share their hopes, dreams, goals, aspirations and even fantasies with such a person but not with the person they have a relationship with in real life. There are those who even avoid time with their real life partner or families to be online with someone whom they have not even met. Cheating their partners not only of certain knowledge but their physical presence. Yet emotional fidelity can be a blurry sometimes wide line that is hard if not impossible to see for many.

I’ve known people from all walks of life who have cheated on or been cheated on by their partners. It is not exclusive to the bdsm, kinky, leather, d/s and/or m/s communities. However many people who are involved in kinky activities use such activities as reason or excuse to cheat on their partners, significant others, or spouses. I have heard a wide variety of such excuses. Yet many times it seems to be overlooked, ignored and even accepted by others who share such kinky interests. I too often times keep my mouth shut as to not offend anyone. In the end the ones who do not seem to accept cheating and infidelity as okay or acceptable are the ones who are seemingly shunned by many of the others who are kinky. To me it seems if I speak out against such that I am the one who is wrong, judgmental, and not accepting of kinks that are different than my own.

From the very beginning I have heard about “openness, honesty, trust, and honor.” I do not see anyone who cheats on a partner as any of these things. It does not matter to me that they are being open and honest with the person they are cheating with. I am unable to see past the fact they are hiding, lying, and cheating on someone they already have a commitment with. I’m not referring to people who have open relationships, poly relationships or have otherwise talked with their spouse, partner or significant other about seeing other people and what they are doing with them. I am referring to those who begin or have a relationship with one person while they are still in a relationship with another and the first person {or any of them for that matter} is unaware of other relationships.

There are many times I feel the urge to say something. There are times I want to speak my mind. Fact of the matter is that it is not my business if a man wants to cheat on his wife in the name of being someone’s dominant. It is none of my business if a woman wants to cheat on her girlfriend of many years in the name of being spanked and flogged by another. Speaking my mind and being honest how I feel about such can cost me business. It does affect me when people who cheat do so in the name of or with the excuse of D/s and bdsm. It does affect me to some degree because the kink community as a whole has enough negatives, myths, and false beliefs to overcome without adding the fact that it’s used by seemingly so many as an excuse for infidelity and cheating. Just as when I was in the Marines one woman acting inappropriately could cast a negative view upon all of us. It reminds me of times when one Marine or one group of Marines would act up in town and start a fight that it would reflect badly upon the rest of us. Thus the bad behavior and choices of a few CAN reflect badly upon the community as a whole.

Generally one who cheats on another to be with you will be likely to repeat the same pattern again later. Chances are that if someone cheats and is successful at it once they are more likely to do it again. Either way someone is always being cheated. Unless it is a poly relationship then the person cheating has to choose who to spend Christmas with, birthdays with, special occasions and endlessly having to choose one person over another. Many times without the other person knowing why but being left with hurt feelings and loneliness.

I do not know if someone has ever cheated on me or not. I do know that I have learned after being with someone that they were married. I felt betrayed, hurt, and angry. I could only imagine how the person who was being cheated on felt. Do others who are cheating ever try to reverse the roles and imagine how they would feel? Do those who do not speak out ever consider how they would feel or react if it was them being cheated on? As for myself I feel a pang of guilt every time I don’t speak up and say something. At the same time I feel like I’m betraying some unwritten rule within the D/s and bdsm communities if I do say something.

~Angel~

8:26PM - How Can I Make My Dominant More Dominant?

Unfortunately this is a question I hear posed often. Even though the term “dom” could be taken out and other adjectives could be inserted. Some such words could be submissive, slave, wife, and husband. Normally though, it is a submissive asking how to make someone else more dominant.

“Talk with them.” Or, “Communication is needed.” Are common answers. It is possible that one partner does not recognize the needs of another partner. Also, keep in mind that needs and wants change as people change. Thus the relationship needs to change as those involved in said relationship change.

People in relationships do not always change in the same ways, complimentary ways, or at the same rate. It could be that the person in the dominant position does not want the responsibility of another outside of the parameters they already do or are already comfortable with.

Some examples.

Bob and Jane are in a d/s relationship. Bob is the dominant and Jane is the submissive.

1. Bob is comfortable talking the dominant position in the bedroom. Jane wishes Bob would be more dominant in her day-to-day life and takes more control over decisions. Bob does not want more control. Bob is happy with the otherwise 50/50 relationship that they share. Jane can be miserable with this decision. Thus Jane may decide that she can force Bob to be more dominant by ultimatum. “Either you be more dominant in our relationship or I’ll have to find someone who better meets my needs.” Bob agrees in hopes of saving the relationship. But in turn Bob is now the one unhappy and his needs are not being met. Then again is Jane topping from the bottom by “demanding” more domination or by issuing an ultimatum?

2. Same as above except Bob does not conform to Jane’s wishes. Jane does not issue an ultimatum. She tries to instead keep on day to day and grows to resent Bob for not being more the way she wants him to be. She no longer brings it up knowing Bob’s mind is made up and he’s not willing to change. Thus Jane either grows bitter staying with Bob or eventually she ends the relationship in hopes of finding her ideal dominant.

3. Jane talks to Bob. She’s taken the time beforehand to try and identify things that the two of them can try together. She makes more of an effort to consider what he may like in her day-to-day actions. Bob too has wanted more of a dominant role in Jane’s life but did not know if she was ready. Their ideas differ so they work out a compromise. In time they find what works for them and what doesn’t. Neither feels as though they lost out.

4. After communications Bob still isn’t sure this is something he wants to do. He agrees to be open-minded though and try some new things. In time he becomes more comfortable with making more decisions and being more in control of Jane’s life and/or the relationship. Slowly they grow and change together.

I cannot “make” anyone be something they are not. I cannot make someone enjoy something they do not like. I cannot force someone to be what I want him or her to be no matter how hard or how long I try. {And TRUST me, I have tried before.} No more than someone can make me into something or someone that I am not. {That has been tried also.}

I can however learn more about myself. I can ask myself, “Is this something I want or something I need?” I can learn more about myself. Then I can apply those things learned about myself to find a partner with similar wants, needs, likes, and goals in life. Sure, not everything is going to be the same. But I was able to avoid some of my past mistakes. Having a better idea of myself kept me from settling for something {someone} that I didn’t want or would eventually be unhappy with.

In short if asked this I would have to say

Do some honest soul searching. Talk openly and honestly with your partner. Maybe they want what you want but didn’t know how to go about it. Maybe they wanted what you want but did not know that you wanted it as well. Maybe they do not want it but are not unwilling to try something new. Also realize that it may not be something they want or something they are willingly going to try. Can you be happy with this person just the way they are? Can you live with their decision if it’s not what you want to hear? These are but a few of the questions to ask yourself.

Do not try and change another person to make them an ideal that lives only in your mind. Do not try to be something you are not. That does not mean however that there cannot be compromises for both. People can change but in order for that to happen they have to WANT to change. Do not be afraid to admit things are not working out. "It is better to be with someone because you want to be with them and not because you are scared of being alone."

~Angel~

11:15PM - Anal Sex and Pain

- i'd like to be a recipient of anal sex with my boyfriend but it hurts a lot. We use a lot of lube - although i thikn we should use evne more. I've had anal sex before with other partners but never with one as big as he is ... to me he's bigger than "average." Do you have any pointers in that area as well?

If it hurts that is your body saying that it’s not ready even though you are. Your anus is a muscle. Start out smaller and work your way up. He may want to wear some latex gloves. Put some lube on a finger and start with the one finger. If you are comfortable with that then he could insert another finger. Taking it slowly and letting the muscle adjust to the stimulation and stretching. Then working up with fingers to prepare your anus for his penis.

Another idea is to try anal “training” with butt plugs. Start out with smaller butt plugs and work your way up to the next size. Make sure when choosing a butt plug that you get one with a flared base. Don’t want anything getting lost up there or to have to make any embarrassing visits to the ER. Once you are comfortable with the size you are using look at moving up to the next size. You may even find that once you get used to the smaller size that you may need to work with it a bit and insert it before going to the larger sized one each time. It’s a gradual process.

These two processes can be used together as well. Even though you may opt for butt plugs for anal training, he may still have to start out with fingers {or butt plugs} before plunging directly into anal sex with his penis each time. Remember if using lube with your toys and/or condoms to get lubes compatible with what you are using. For example, you don’t want to use a silicone based lube with a silicone-based toy because it will damage the toy. Silicone-based lubricants can also cause vaginal infections.

There are also lubricants out there for anal sex that have desensitizers in them. I strongly encourage you NOT to use one of these. Again, the anus is a muscle. If it hurts then that means you should slow down, work up again, use more lube or stop. Pain is the body’s way of alerting you to something not right.

So go slow. Build yourself up with fingers, toys or a combination of the two. Use LOTS of lubricant. There's no such thing as too much lube! Make sure the lubricant is compatible for any toys or condoms you may be using. Play safe and have fun!

~Angel~

10:58PM - UTI and sex

someone asked

. I'd like to know if having sex rather roughly (my definition of rough is very hard thrusts very deeply) can be one of the factors that i am getting UTIs with my bf. He is the first one to have sex with me the way i like it and this is the first time ever that i have gotten a UTI (this is now my second since we started dating in April). Is there a coorelation? And do you have any recommendations?

UTI mostly can be caused by one of two ways. One is due to periods of extended bladder and the other is a bacteria infection.

To lower your chances make sure you empty your bladder before and after sex. Make sure you are drinking plenty of water to flush your system. Some folks even suggest cranberry juice or blueberries. Personally, I have found urinating before and after sex keeps me from having problems.

Another common cause of UTI is from bacteria in the bowel that lives on the skin near the rectum or in the vagina. It can spread and enter through the urethra travel upwards and cause an infection in the bladder or urinary tract. Sexual intercourse can promote this type of germ spread because of the penis massaging the germs up and in.

To decrease your chances of this happening you could try cleaning the area just before intercourse with an antibacterial soap. It sure can kill being spontaneous with washing and going potty then going potty again afterwards. If these measures don’t help and you still notice a pattern of reoccurring UTI you may want to consult a doctor. I’m not a doctor just a gal with some experience.

Again, I am not a physican licensed or otherwise. This is from my own experiences with uninary tract infections.

~Angel~

11:15AM - Thud Vs. Sting

Sensation is perceptual.  What I may perceive as enjoyable someone else could perceive as pain.  In many ways the same can be said for the sensations of thud and sting.  Generally I have a low tolerance for sensations I perceive as sting.  By the same token I consider myself as having a low tolerance for pain in general.  In other words I generally define my pain and sensation tolerance by saying, “I am a wussichist.”  

As for myself I define “thud” as impact without a burning sensation.

For myself I define “sting” as a sharp, quick, burning pain.

Many implements provide a mixture of thud and sting.  Usually I can find enjoyment if I feel more thud than sting.  Once my endorphins and adrenalin get built up, I can handle more sting sensations.  That all being said the following is how I tend to perceive sensation using various implements.

Floggers are such versatile toys.  Generally the heavier the material used for making the flogger the more intense the thud sensation for me.  Regular cow leather is generally heavier than most suede.  Bull hide is heavier than cow leather.  Other contributing factors to the weight are how much is used, how wide the strips are cut and the length.  If there are two floggers made out of 10-ounce cow hide leather yet one has 18 falls and the other has 28 falls, the one with 28 falls will have more thud as there is more weight making impact upon striking.  That is, the falls are all cut the same length and width.  More width would also mean more weight and more thud as would more length in some cases. 

With floggers I generally prefer a rounded edge to the falls.  Edges on the way the falls are cut will also determine if there is more or less sting.  If the falls are cut with a V or inverted V then there is more sting due to the sharp angles.  I find that the mid range cut is a squared off edge.  For slightly more sting but providing less of a sting sensation than the V shapes are when the ends are cut at a 45-degree angle. 

For a flogger that gives me all thud and no sting I prefer a nylon, cotton, or nylon cotton blend rope.  For me the softer the rope is the less I perceive a sensation of sting. 

Paddles come in all shapes, sizes, designs and materials.  For a feeling of thud I generally prefer leather paddles.  The heavier the leather the more of a thud sensation I tend to feel.  Generally if the edges are not rounded at all and they are sharp angles to the side then that can bring generally more sting.  To increase the feeling of sting, a slit or cut can be made or holes can be punched into the leather. 

As for wooden paddles I find the heavier the wood the more thud.  Though with wood I always tend to feel a combination of thud and sting as wood generally does not have any leeway to give.    Finishing the edges where the tops and sides meet and rounding them off a bit can take some of the sting out of the impact.  Having hard angle edges or holes will increase the sensation of sting. 

Lexan paddles have a nasty sting to them.  Just as with leather and wood the sting feeling can be increased by sharp edges and holes.  With leather, wood, and lexan, how they are used as implements can determine their severity as well.  Obviously someone using it with more force will cause more impact thus more thud and/or sting for the one receiving.  

Canes can be a fun and versatile implement.  They come in all shapes, sizes, styles, designs, and from various materials.  I prefer the rattan canes.  If not used properly any implement can cause harm (Harm meaning damage and not just the fun type of pain or play I generally prefer).  Rattan canes can last many years with proper use and care.  I find that for me the fatter the cane the less the sting sensation.  Though I haven’t found one fat enough yet to eliminate the feeling of sting.  It’s not so much with the impact that I feel the sting as that just after contact when the cane is no where near my skin and I get that second shock feeling with the bounce back.  Unlike dowel rods, rattan canes will break if there is too much force.  So for me, it’s like a built in safety flag when materials other than rattan are used for canes. 

This is not meant to cover safety or safer ways to use implements, toys, or how to play.  There are ways to be safer.  However, I realize some people prefer things that I don’t.  Just as some people prefer more sting and less thud.  How I perceive something is not how everyone will perceive it.  I do strongly urge others to learn from someone who has knowledge of certain implements and how to use them.  A simple spanking with a wooden paddle can lead to a broken tailbone if one is not careful.  “Practice makes perfect.”  Practice on a pillow, a chair or a wall depending on what you are trying to use.  Start slow and build up.  Experiment with various items to learn what you and your partner may or may not enjoy.  In the end it’s about enjoyment whether the enjoyment comes from sensations, the mental aspects, or pain. 

Play safe and have fun!

~angel carter~

7:22PM - Switching It Off

So today I read a post someone made about switching off his or her feelings of being submissive.

Once again it comes to none of us fit into a tight little box, mold or definition. Each of us chooses how to best express ourselves. Whether we are expressing our submissive, dominant or otherwise kinky desires and/or attributes. Though I realize there are those that just like to do kinky things, those who are submissive, dominant, bottoms, tops, switches, slaves, and many other things; I’m going to write this from a submissive point of view, as that is how I best relate.


I recall a time when being submissive to another was something I did part time. I would do it on weekend visits. Other than the weekend visits my life was my own to live without much regard to that relationship. We lived in different households. I paid my own bills, went to work, and with few exceptions outside of the visits my life was my own to lead.

About 3 1/2 years ago I came to Texas and took up residence with a wonderful dominant man. At that time we didn’t have a clearly defined relationship. I would demonstrate being submissive to him but at that time it was mostly something we would do during scenes or during sex. Over time it grew into more. Change happened gradually.

Now my being submissive doesn’t mean I am submissive to anyone and everyone. One example I like to use is when I was dealing contractors to have a new heating and air system installed. He wasn’t here to deal with them so it was my job to learn about HVAC {heating and air}, differences between products, about the companies, city ordnances and regulations, and in many ways comparing apples to oranges. I learned as much as I could. I put together an excel spreadsheet with my top 3 picks and explanations as to why I chose them. I was not submissive with those contractors but making decisions based on my being submissive to him within our relationship and what was best for us.

So I can relate to when I felt as though I turned it off and on. I can also relate to how I may not seem openly submissive all of the time but don’t feel as though I’m turning it off and on. To me it feels as though it’s a more integral part of myself and my every day life. It makes me no more or less a submissive as my ways of thinking and habits have changed. How I express my submission is also about what is or was right for me at the time and being right for that relationship.

Certainly not every dominant wants to have complete and total control over another person every moment of every day. No more than every submissive wants another to have that kind of control over their life. Some people desire more or less control. Some people want to feel as though they may have more or less responsibility in certain situations. It’s not about one being more or less “right” but finding another person whose beliefs, desires, kinks and such are similar or compatible for a relationship.

Finally to those who maybe still do not understand where I am coming from …
I was born as a female. I grew up as a girl. I’m now a woman. I’m a Marine. I went to boot camp and graduated. I served my country honorably. I will always proudly wear the title of Marine. I am a submissive. I am in a relationship where I am the submissive partner. Most people don’t think of a woman when they think of the term Marine. Most people would not think of the terms submissive and Marine in the same sentence. Yet I am all of these things. Neither one of them nor all three of them define who I am. They are all a part of me and who I am.

~Angel~

9:00PM - Role Models

I was reading LJ's today and came across a link to another journal that asked about "role models". Specifically real life role models and fantasy role models such as those from movies and books. Since I don't have their permission as of yet but wanted to post my reply, here is my answer to their question in their journal. If I get permission to link to their journal I will.

The person asking the question wanted specific examples of role models real life other than ones significant other{s} and role models from books and movies. This was my reply.



My apologies that I'm not adhering to the guidelines set forth in the post for giving my answers to the questions.

First off people are unique individuals. Therefore each relationship is as unique as those involved in said relationship. True there can be some real life people who have qualities I would like to improve upon for myself or fantasy characters I may want to be more like, it’s not realistic for me to try to base who I am on the ideals of others; especially to try and be more like others that I have never met. Not that I can’t learn something from them. But it’s impossible to use vague ideals or limited information of someone as a role model.

When I first began my exploration into relationships involving power exchanges I was indeed fortunate to meet a wonderful person real life. At the time she lived about 5 hours from me. {I’ve since moved and we are much further apart but still great friends.} We developed a great friendship. She had qualities and mannerisms about her that I desired to improve in myself. At the same time she has learned from me. Over the past few years we have become the best of friends and learned much from each other.

In my first power exchange relationship I was the submissive partner to two dominants. How I showed my submission to them and the expectations they had of me was vastly different than the relationship I’m in now. While I am essentially the same person I have grown and learned along the way. Yet I did learn from them and that relationship. Not only did I learn things that I liked, enjoyed, and appreciated but also things that I hated, didn’t agree with and abhor. I tried to be what each of them seemed to want. In the end they wanted different things that didn’t coincide with each other much less myself.

To try and compare myself to fantasy characters such as those in movies, books or otherwise is not realistic. These are fictional characters based on the ideals of a single person. Then to try and compare myself and or our relationship based on real life people such as Master Jim, Mistress Blair, slave marsha, Aspirant, and such can be misleading as well. Because being part of the “general public” we only see what they wish for us to see.

Thus being an individual in an individual relationship, what may work for others doesn’t mean it will work for me or for us. To me a relationship {be it based on a power exchange, power dynamic, kink, vanilla or otherwise} is about finding someone compatible with myself. Not trying to make myself conform to what is most likely an impossible “ideal” of a role model.

Now I’m not saying having a role model is a bad thing. I’m saying that for me I have to keep it realistic. Indeed if I were a basketball player for example there are things I no doubt could learn from watching Michael Jackson Michael Jordan play. But when it comes down to it I need to be in the game myself. I need to learn from those on my team. I need to learn strategies from those I play with and/or against. It can’t be learned from a book or movie. No more than life can be learned from a book, movie or other people I haven’t met. And even with a role model, I am still essentially myself. I may not be good at the 3-point shot from mid court. Yet I may be a ringer for free throws and lay up shots. It doesn’t make me any worse. It doesn’t make me any worse if I’m the water boy instead of the player. It just means I have different qualities and skills that I am good at and contribute to the game. Just as I have different qualities, skills, and beliefs that I bring into a relationship.

~Angel~

1:56AM - Anal Play

Someone asked

I have played with my husband’s ass inside and out. I love to make him cum by massaging his prostate, but he says it's not as strong as others. Is there a way to play with his ass and give him a great orgasm? I am willing to try anything, even using a strap on.
Please help.

My reply was:

A strap on dildo would not be my first recommendation. The reason being as most dildo’s that are compatible with a strap on are straight or otherwise penis shaped. Thus not really giving much stimulation to the prostate itself. That’s not to say that with a dildo there won’t be any stimulation to the prostate. It’s just not what I consider the optimum way to achieve what you seem to be describing.

I would begin with toys you could use manually. There are toys specifically designed with prostate stimulation in mind. They are curved at the end to better access or reach the prostate. These toys come in a variety of shapes, sizes and materials.

The ones made of glass, acrylic or hard plastic can be put in the refrigerator {or the freezer} to give the added sensation of coolness or cold. Some men tend to like this. Others are turned off by it. I don’t know the dynamics of your relationship, so it’s something you may want to discuss with him rather than surprising him with it. The glass and acrylic ones are obviously made of hard material. {Plastic comes in different varieties thus some harder than others.} So depending on the pressure you apply as to how hard the stimulation will be.

There are also anal vibrators. Some come with the curve for prostate stimulation. This type of toy can give a vibrating massage to his prostate without much work or effort on your part thus would make it my top pick. However again, preferences vary. He may or may not enjoy the vibrating sensation. Try to find something inexpensive to start with. Or try a regular vibrator to start with to see if it’s something that the two of you enjoy. As the regular vibrators are usually less expensive though won’t provide direct prostate stimulation usually. It may require some maneuvering on your part to try and angel it in that direction.

No doubt as you are familiar with anal play, you probably are familiar with the other various safety aspects. Someone else who may read this might not be however. Thus remember lube, lube, and lube. Choose a lube appropriate for the type of toy you are using. For example do not use oil based lubricants or lubricants containing petroleum with latex toys or condoms. Clean your toys after each use. It’s important to use condoms on toys if you are using them for multiple partners. To avoid infections don’t go anal to vaginal or anal to mouth. I do not advocate the use of lubes that desensitizes. Your anus is a muscle thus when there’s pain that means slow down and /or use more lube. The anus does not produce it’s own lubrication and there’s no such thing as too much lubrication.

All else being said; play safe, have fun and enjoy your adventures in anal sex! Thanks for writing.

~Angel~



Please feel free to contribute any additional information, tips or suggestions in the comments area to this post. Comments, suggestions and constructive criticims welcomed. Anonymous comments will be screened. Flaming and negative comments will be deleted.

2:30PM - Intelligence, Judgements, and Lifestyle

I’m fortunate in that I was afforded the opportunity for an education. Some things are basics that many expect others to know such as how to speak and write properly. Recently this topic came up in someone else’s journal. Out of my respect for their privacy I will not indicate whose journal, the replies, or anything else specific to that particular conversation. I’ll keep this as my thoughts on the subject and my own experiences.

I had a step-grandfather that was raised during the depression. His schooling was cut short due to the fact that as an elementary school aged child his family depended on him to work and help support them. As a child and young man he worked in the coalmines and learned carpentry. He can barely write his name. He could not read adequately enough to understand the daily paper or even take the written test for his driver’s license. He was brilliant in the fact that he was able to comprehend numbers, calculations, and oftentimes did math in his head. He could look at most any job and know the approximate linear or square feet involved. He would know the cost of materials, how much he needed and how many hours each job would take. All without referring to any manual and only taking measurements to substantiate his calculations.

His profession was as a carpenter. Though sadly in his later years he fell victim to Alzheimer’s disease and didn’t even know what a hammer was for much less how to use it. Still, as a child he helped support his family during the depression with his carpenter skills. When he became an adult he married, bought a home, and raised 2 children on his skills. They lived quite comfortably on his wages as a carpenter. Since his wife was a stay at home mom and his was the only income to support the family, he worked long hours thus was never able to go back to school and learn how to read much less get his high school diploma. He had hoped that when he retired he could do such. Because of the Alzheimer’s disease he was never able to accomplish such.

Fact of the matter is, I never considered my grandpa as “less intelligent” just because he didn’t speak proper English. If anything I admire him for all he did accomplish with so little education. He accomplished more with an elementary school education than some adults manage to accomplish with college degrees. As an adult now I have seen people finish college only to move back in with their parents to be supported because they cannot find a job. People of my own generation that only have a house because someone died and left it to them in the inheritance.

That is aside the original conversation. But it does give me a slightly different perspective than some. Having had an education, I do know proper English. With kindergarten, 12 years of schooling and some college I was afforded an opportunity to learn that not everyone has had the privilege of. Also because of where I was raised, I grew up learning “Southern.” Not exactly a different language. But with the different pronunciations, slang terms, and such it is similar to being a different language. This became something I was vaguely aware of in college. College was the first time I was really exposed to people from many different regions of the country at the same time for an extended period of time. Once I was in the Marine Corps though, then it became more evident to me that different geographical locations not only have different dialects, pronunciations and slang terms but in some respects in my own way of thinking almost their own languages. Now that I think of it, even the Marines have their own language of sorts. A “moonbeam” was a flashlight. An MRE was a meal. Going on a “hump”, going on “TDY” or even “hitting the rack” are not phrases and terms generally used in American society.

Given my own experiences, I don’t see someone who speaks differently than myself as less intelligent. When I hear someone speak and they fail to use “proper English” I don’t see them as less educated. Then again, “proper English” in England is vastly different than what most Americans consider “proper English.”

I am educated and know {for the most part} proper English. I also know that I speak Southern fairly well. Then again, it’s “Southern” that I learned in North Carolina which is slightly different than that here in Texas. I know a bit of American Sign Language and though I took 4 years of Spanish I actually recall very little of that. Mostly because I never had much of a need to know it until I moved here to Texas where there is a larger population of Spanish speaking Americans.

My point? One cannot be judged on “intelligence” based on how one speaks, at least not to me. Then again, it’s not my place to “judge” anyone. I try to have an open heart and an open mind.

Now how does this tie into the wide world of domination and submission? What does it have to do with bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism? Does language or intelligence have anything to do with “lifestyle?” In my opinion yes it has everything to do with it. For me it’s quite similar. The “lifestyle” is full of many terms that mean different things depending on who is using it and their own experiences.

Something as seemingly simple as the term “submissive” has various connotations, conjures up different images, and means something different to most. As well as there are terms almost exclusive to the “lifestyle” that others have never heard much less would know how to comprehend them such as “edge play”, “pansexual”, “body fluid monogamous” and “golden showers” just to name a few. What is “edge play” to one can be commonplace to another and yet in everyday society most would not have any concept of the term or what is meant by it.

So language is more than just the words and how we use them. It’s how effectively we communicate what we mean with others. When I am with people I communicate not only with words but also with gestures, body language, facial expressions, tones and inflections of voice. And to me intelligence is about more than the words I use, how many words I know, how well or how many books I can read or have read. I am a culmination of all my experiences. Education is important. Yet life experiences are just as important. Just as important to me is I don’t want to be judged for how I may appear to others. In return I try to not judge others. And when someone says, “I’m submissive” I will of course apply what that may mean based on what it means to me and within my life. Yet I do try to keep in mind that it could mean something entirely different to the other person.

~Angel~

11:47PM

Go ahead and ask me anything.  I do not claim to have all the answers. I will rely on my variety of lifestyle experiences; my vast life experiences, common sense and other resources.

My advice is free.  Feel free to use what you want of it and ignore what you don’t.  Some may know me from my personal journal that I’ve had for years now.  I’m not perfect nor do I claim to be as such.  I do strive however to always better myself.  This journal is as any journal and for myself.  It’s a way to better myself and broaden my horizons by attempting to do something for others.  It’s also an attempt to offer something that I don’t see offered elsewhere.

There are many communities online and on LiveJournal where people can ask others questions, share experiences, and learn from each other.  I’ve learned much from many of the communities to which I belong.  To post however, people normally need to join, be a member, or give information they’d rather everyone not be able to have access to.  Here anyone can ask a question at any time in the comments area of any post.  A person can use their LiveJournal logon to do such or they can do so anonymously.  By commenting anonymously the post will be screened.  Screening means that only people who can view it are the poster and myself.

I will answer any and all such questions, concerns, or such left in the comments areas.  Comments that attack, flame or seem intentional to hurt others will promptly be deleted.  Feel free however to comment and give different aspects, viewpoints and beliefs on anything I write. 

All that being said, welcome to ask_angel  !!  Feel free to let others know this resource is here.  Remember you can also email me.  My email address is

Angel at DungeonBazaar dot com.